Thursday, March 31, 2005

The Dead Fairy interviews Joe Bob Briggs


After my interview with Barry Gifford I filed a civil suit against the Timefairy and sued him for three million dollars. The trial is going on currently and things are going pretty well. Because of my troubles I haven’t had the time to solicit anymore interviews but here is one from a while back with that trashy piece of crap Joe Bob Briggs. If you don’t already know about him you must be some kind of stupid asshole. Joe Bob Briggs was the guy who used to host TNT’s Monstervision but he’s is probably best known for fucking Robert Blake and causing the homosexual panic that led to the murder of his wife:

To start things off I’m going to throw out a provocative statement and I want you to react to it. Okay, here goes:
“Starship Troopers” was the only good film made during the 90’s.

They told me this would happen if I talked to you.


If you were producing a movie of “Knight Rider” who would you cast as Michael Knight and K.I.T.T.?

Lorenzo Lamas, who else?

It’s been fourteen years since the murder of Rebecca Schaeffer. What do you think that's supposed to mean?

It means Robert Bardo is probably rehabilitated by now and
ready to get a big screen.

If you were a big executive at Fox studios how would you go about making a lame remake of “Basketcase”?

Hire Mini-Me to play Belial.

What do you think about the Joe R. Lansdale novel, “Captains Outrageous”?

Haven't read it. Love "Bubba Ho-Tep," though.

Have you ever written any short stories? If so, can you
describe one
of them?

I'm afraid all I can write is long stories. I wrote a
picaresque novel called "A Guide to Western Civilization, or, My
Story," that pretty much solves all the problems of the world.

What do you think about films like “Dogville” and “The Barbarian Invasions”, which some critics consider anti-American?

I don't like a film UNLESS it's anti-American, or at least

If you had to make a list of the three hundred best film performances of all time at what number would you place Heather Langenkamp’s in “A Nightmare On Elm Street”?
She would definitely be in the top thirty. I never
understood why she didn't go on to make more movies.

In what ways do you feel Mel Gibson’s experience making “The Passion” mirrors Leonard Nimoy’s own hardships directing “Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home”?

Leonard didn't have a Caviezel to take the Curly hits for

What made Michael Landon so magical?
He was the first actor in history who said to himself,
"Hmmmmm, I'll star in 'I Was a Teenage Werewolf' and then make
warm family dramas."

I always finish with a Patricia Highsmith question. If you
had the
chance to ask Patricia Highsmith one thing what would it be?
"Is Lesbian Noir a genre or a sub-genre?"


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