Monday, March 21, 2005

The Dead Fairy interviews Trent Haaga


I had to leave Fairyland for a few days since the Timefairy is still after me for coming back to life. I took a portal to Hollywood video where I figured I’d hide out for a few days and while flying through the porn section I ran into Trent Haaga (star of “Terror Firmer” and Troma’s “Edge TV” ) . As you know if a fairy wishes to speak directly to a human they can only do it in the form of eleven questions, no more, no less.

I don’t know if you were aware of this but its the ten year anniversary of Kurt Cobain’s death. Looking back on how your life has changed since 1994, in what way would you say his absence has contributed to the choices you’ve made?

I am, indeed, aware of this as every TV network has had some mention of it or other in the past week . . . I think that Nirvana made some kick-ass records, but can't say that I own any of them. Glad that Kurt was a staunch supporter of The Melvins, who are great. I remember when I heard about the death - I was in college and working at a horror/sci-fi bookstore at the time. I don't know if his death had any real world consequences for me then or now. I think it's a shame that he did it, but have always been more of a fan of the death metal genre.

You’ve written two films, “Citizen Toxie” and “Hell Asylum”. What are you writing now?

I also co-wrote Lloyd Kaufman's book, MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN MOVIE and did extensive re-writes on film called RAVE TO THE GRAVE. I've just finished two screenplays to go into production this year: FEEDING THE MASSES and CANNIBALS VS ZOMBIES. I'm currently working on another screenplay, this one just for myself, called DOG-RAPED WIFE. I've given myself the rest of the year to try and complete at least nine more screenplays before 2005.

What can you tell me about “Black Dahlia”?

Not much. I've only read the script and met with the director. I may not even be in the project at all. It's a modern re-telling of the infamous Black Dahlia case with a David Lynch vibe.

Do you have any interesting stories about Giuseppe Andrews?

Sorry, don't know him and never met him.

Lets say the evil Time Fairy came through your window tonight and tossed you through a time portal back to early 2000 and provided you with the means to make a “Spiderman” movie before Sam Raimi made his. What would you do as far as casting, plot, villains, etc.?

I'd make Crispin Glover play Peter Parker but have The Rock play Spiderman. The villain would be from the DC comics universe, Mary Jane would be Asian, and it would all be a dream at the end. Plus tons of extreme gore and softcore pornography (but with hardcore inserts for the European version).

Is there any truth to the rumor that you are starring alongside Portia de Rossi and Peter Weller in Frank Henenlotter’s adaptation of “My So Called Life”?

I'm not at liberty to discuss this, as my reprisal of the role of Jordan Catalano is not yet secured and I signed non-disclosure agreements.

Can you see your son following in your footsteps as an actor?

God, I hope not. If he is, I hope he gets real jobs where actual money is involved.

While working with Lloyd Kaufman did he ever make you sweep out the filthy cellar under the Troma building? And if so did he come downstairs and yell at you for not doing it right?

Yes, I actually did clean out the basement. But a using a broom down there would be like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound. I'm not kidding, the place is fucking disgusting. I think Lloyd would've yelled at me about the job done, but (despite what he says in the intro of the new book) he never goes down there himself . . . fear of tetanus? I don't know for sure.

How do you feel about digital video technology and it’s effect on the world of independent film making?

It's a double-edged sword. DV makes it easier for the filmmaker to go out there and get it done for a fraction of the cost, but it also allows the non-filmmaker to do the same thing. Overall, I love DV and the effect it's had on indie film - I've done six features on video and am happy with how they all turned out!

How do you feel about “Star Wars: Attack Of The Clones”?

Which one was that? The first new one or the second? I was more of a ROAD WARRIOR/ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK/HALLOWEEN kid growing up. Never got into the STAR WARS universe. So, to answer your question . . . I just feel confused.

And finally I am ready to ask you the question I end all my interviews with. If the government were going to burn all of Patricia Highsmith’s novels and the American President granted you the authority to spare only one, which one would it be? (Answer this even if you don’t know who Patricia Highsmith is.)

I'm actually kind of a rabid reader, so I know who Patricia Highsmith is. I'd have to go with STRANGERS ON A TRAIN just so the Hitchcock and Raymond Chandler completists would have something to read. I'd PREFER to have the President of the WORLD give me the freedom to destroy all of Dean Koontz's books if we're gonna play the WHAT IF game!


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