Sunday, March 20, 2005

The True History Of Atlantis

Example
I found this poorly written anonymous document folded up in the back of an old copy of Play It As It Lays by Joan Didion in the Middle Village branch of the Queens Public Library. I feel it is my duty as a citizen to share this with the rest of the world:

A Brief History Of Atlantis- Atlantis as we now know it began back in the year 623 (in human years actually the year fifty seven thousand in shark years) when the sharks had already been enjoying thousands of years of civilization and relative decadence.
An ancient watercraft somewhat like a Chazer sunk over Killutia which is now known as Chaz City. The chazer was filled with hundreds of humans who were said to have been slaves from an unknown land. Hordes of sharks rose up to the surface of the sea of Treytis to help herd the poor humans toward the nearest dry land, a land which the sharks hoped would be nurturing towards the humans as the sharks hadn't developed land helmets at that time so they couldn't leave the ocean and weren't familiar with the territory.
The sharks did know that the eastern half of the Island was covered in dense thick forests full of strange creatures so they led the humans to the western half near shark river which flows right into the Treytis Sea and over Chaz City. The humans settled and were able to find fruit and rabbits which were plentiful on the Western half plus the dolphin meat the sharks would bring them.
The sharks would often bring up gifts of orichalc, silver, and gold from their vast undersea mines and the humans learned to use these along with the red, white, and black earth that made up the landscape and the hills.
For the first two hundred years the humans lived in peace and prospered under the nurturing guidance of the sharks. It was during this period that the humans developed their system of beliefs based on stories handed down from their ancestors, stories overheard from elder sharks. They claimed that a great ten armed being who lived below the sea named Poseidon had carried the first settlers of Atlantis, one cradled in each of his ten arms, and placed them on the land with the command to breed and once they bred sufficiently to select ten kings who would rule over Atlantis using the rules of ten which would be carved on a pillar of orichalc placed in the center of the island.
The humans carved the pillar and built a temple around it in tribute to Poseidon.
One bright day in the year 812 as the Atlanteans enjoyed a day playing in the Atlantic they saw a wave of frantic sharks rise to the surface with looks of concern on their faces. But it was too late because the giant waves crashed down before the Atlanteans had time to escape and more than half the people of Atlantis were washed away. Following the waves came dozens of small creatures with pointy ears, black & white fur, sharp claws, and long black tails. The sharks had heard of these creatures and knew they were called Kenneths. They came from a dark land known as Meggy. The Kenneths tore whatever Atlanteans and sharks they came across to shreds with their claws and then made their way into the thick forests of Atlantis where the humans feared to roam.
The surviving Atlanteans who had been rescued by sharks resolved to rebuild their homes into an impenetrable city with the temple of Poseidon at it's center. A wall was built around the city that was made up of five concentric circles which divided the city in five zones, five layers of protection from the Ocean and the horrible little Kenneths who spoke in a language of twangy chirps.
The sharks asked the other creatures of the sea why the Kenneths had come to Atlantis and they found out that Meggy had been destroyed in a great cataclysm of unknown origin, the entire dark island continent exploded and Atlantis was the first dry land the surviving Kenneths had caught sight of. Thus the seeds were planted for Atlantis's current climate of violence and paranoia and the creation of the destructrix.
Example

For fifty years after the giant waves destroyed old Atlantis the city of Poseidopolis thrived under the protection of the sharks and it's great walls that were made of black, red, and white stone and that rose over 100 feet into the sky. The Kenneth's still managed to murder many Atlanteans however and some Atlanteans expressed frustration over never being able to explore the forest due to the Kenneths. In the year 867 the Atlanteans and sharks decided to wage a war against the Kenneth's and not stop until they removed every last trace of them from Atlantis.
This war later became known as the first of the Chazin wars, even though the great shark warrior and statesman Allan Chazin only fought in the second. The Atlanteans were forced to give up after three years of intense fighting because the Kenneth's knew the forest so well and even though the humans and sharks used axes made of orichalc the Kenneths guerilla style of fighting was impossible to match.
It is interesting that Allan Chazin was born in 868 one year after the first Chazin war started. He grew up to star in one of the earliest series of cassetrix's which were spooled devices that recorded and mimicked sounds and visions. The cassetrix's with Allan Chazin told stories of love, history, adventure. His first big hit, the cassetrix that really made cassetrix viewing the most popular Atlantean pastime was "Chazin's Wave" in which a teenaged Allan Chazin portrayed a young shark who witnessed the deadly waves that overcame Atlantis in 812. He saves a bunch of Atlanteans though and plays a big part in the rebirth of Atlantis.
In was in 885, the year Allan Chazin turned seventeen, he decided to attend college in Poseidopolis. Since land masks had been invented in 870 they'd perfected them to the point where sharks could easily live on dry land as long as they only removed the masks while inside their water filled palaces.
During his first semester at Atlantis Community, which was located in the outer fifth zone, a horde of Kenneths swarmed from the forest in a black & white cascade and took the Atlanteans by surprise breaking the fifth wall apart with axes and beheading all the students of Atlantis Community except for Allan Chazin who stood his ground. Allan fought back with two axes and he was said to have yelled, "Not a single Kenneth shall break the fourth wall while Allan Chazin still stands."
After two straight days of fighting Allan managed to kill every invading Kenneth causing them to give up their pointless war. Allan stood his ground in front of the gate to the fourth zone and when Cronos the king of Atlantis himself begged Allan to let others through the gate to join the battle Allan turned to him with the dearest look of sincerity in his eyes and said, "If a single Kenneth should slip through that gate and harm even one Atlantean I should never live it down, they brought their war to Atlantis but found me instead and now it's my war!"
After the second war Allan Chazin was chosen to be permanent king of the sharks and Killutia became Chaz City. Allan went on to front the band "Allan Chazin & The Coolers" which influenced a generation of young Atlanteans. Allan Chazin's life was ended tragically by a cowardly assassin's ax thrown at the last Coolers concert in 895 which was exactly 10 years after the end of the second Chazin war. Allan Chazin was only 27 years old but his spirit lives on in the youth, and Atlantis today is very much a product of the so called "Chazin Generation" which grew up on the ideas that came forth from Chaz City University which is now called The Chazin School in his honor.

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